Taco Tuesday, etc
by BlueRoseRabbit
Summary: Written for a homework vocabulary assignment. One shot. The Supervisor for Night Vale Reeducation Work Camp has arthritis, the Boy Scouts have a new hierarchy, City Council declares certain days Taco Tuesday, and Carlos does something sweet.


_Cecil [deep, mysterious voice]_: Stars are the souls of children sacrificed to pagan gods many years ago. Welcome to Night Vale.

_[intro music plays]_

_Cecil [cheery]_: Happy Taco Tuesday, citizens! The City Council has made an announcement that from now on, every fourth Tuesday of the month will be Taco Tuesday. Everyone is encouraged to make tacos with lethal poisons in them and feed them to small cats. Participation will earn you one token for a free makeover at Beautician Betsy's Make-Up Emporium down on the corner of First and Beech. All tokens will be mailed to your home annually on the twelfth of December.

_[the noise of paper unfolding can be heard]_

_Cecil [as if confiding a secret]_: Intern Troy has just passed me this note. Apparently, the angels, which do not exist, by the way, are teaching Old Woman Josie to ride a tricycle out in the old car lot. Steve Carlsburg saw- Wait a minute!

_Cecil [tone becomes outraged]_: Steve Carlsburg? How many times have I reminded you that Steve Carlsburg's information is not reliable?

_[murmuring sound in the background]_

_Cecil [scornful tone]_: Oh, you're new? You think that just because you are new to the job at the radio station, I will excuse you from this most grievous error? Please, parents of Intern Troy, discipline your son if he ever returns to you.

_[angry huff, then a slow inhale. Tone becomes cheery again.]_

_Cecil_: Are you unemployed? Are you employed, but looking for another job? Does inflicting pain on laborers give you joy? The City Council has just the job for you! The Supervisor at Night Vale Reeducation Work Camp has been diagnosed with arthritis and can no longer whip the workers, so if you are eager to help our community, I encourage you to apply for the new open position. Work hours are from 6 AM to 10 PM, six days a week. Hang a blue and red checkered flag off of your mailbox if you're interested, and the City Council will send a helicopter to your home immediately. You must currently be between the ages of eighteen and fifty-two, and you must have committed matricide at between the ages of twelve and fifty-one. And now, dear listeners, with this fine job opportunity to leave you to think over, I bring you now to the weather.

_[Coward of the Country by Kenny Rogers plays]_

_Cecil_: Welcome back, listeners. The hierarchy of the Boy Scouts has changed again, to the pleasure of some and the displeasure of others. A new rank has been added right before Eternal Scout. This new rank is called Jurassic Scout. Troop Leader Harvey Pendragon, when asked, "why the change," told us

_[prerecorded message plays] Harvey_: We just felt that the jump from Bloodstone Scout to Eternal Scout was too sudden. Our synchronized swimming teams are organized by scout rank, and too many scouts went from Bloodstone to Eternal too quickly.

_[back to live] Cecil_: No current Eternal Scouts will be demoted to Jurassic Scout, but all Bloodstone Scouts and those below them will have to achieve the rank of Jurassic before Eternal from now on. Now, a word from our sponsors.

_[prerecorded message plays]_ Unknown Woman: Pink.

_[back to live]_ Cecil: This has just been a word from our sponsors. On a different note, now that we've got all that boring news out of the way, Carlos, perfect and beautiful, brought home a red squid-rose from his lab yesterday. He told me the redness of the rose symbolizes his love for me, and the wriggling squid tentacles that were in place of thorns represented the strange little town we live in, which has grown as precious to him as it has always been to me. _[chokes up a little as eyes fill with tears]_ Isn't he so romantic? _[sighs dreamily]_

_[sudden crashing noise]_

_Cecil_: Oh, dear, what could that be? I guess I will have to leave you now to go investigate that mysterious ruckus. Goodnight, sweet, sweet listeners, goodnight.


End file.
